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asking for help

Saturday. 10. 1. 2011.

So the anxiety attacks haven’t backed off as I had hoped. I know that I’m really freaking out for no good reason but if only I can get it through to myself.

I’m not doing too well with the way the classes are structured here. Instead of having time in between each lecture for the material to sink in, I’ve got about 4 lectures per week. I find myself constantly playing catch up on the lectured material. Then there are like 3 labs a week, each requiring a report of sorts that need to be submitted in a week after we do the lab. Then there are exercise questions to be done. There’s a constant debate on what I should catch up on next and whenever there is a free moment, there’s always something else that needs to be done.

I know that university is supposed to be tough and there’s supposed to be lots to do but in combination with the panic attacks, this is just killing me.

I’m gonna go see a councillor this coming week and I’ve arranged to have a tutor.

I suppose I’m freaking out because I feel like I should be able to get this stuff without assistance. I’ve gone through most of my life having to just solve whatever issue unassisted. I feel embarrassed if I need to ask for help. I feel like I should’ve already understood whatever needs to be understood. I’ve always picked things up rather quickly in school (mind you, it was with the possibility  of pondering about something for a couple of days before the next lesson) and now I’m freaking out ’cause I don’t have the time to ponder and frankly I can’t think of much else other than how stupid and pathetic I am because I’m not understanding this stuff sooner. I KNOW that it’s not the fact of the matter but there’s not exactly a dial/switch I can use to turn these feelings off.

I really hope things get better soon.

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