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so life altering?

Tuesday. 05. 19. 2009.

Friends like to ask if things are different now that Fredrik and I are married.

I like to wonder if getting married is equivalent to getting a sex change. From the way that people ask me if things are different. I find myself wondering if I had indeed gotten a sex change and not just confirmed my relationship in a legal sense.

I will admit that there are “differences”. I no longer introduce Fredrik as my boyfriend but as my husband, which I noticed the other day that I rather like saying “my husband”. If Fredrik and I split up, I would no longer go back to having the label of being “single” but would be “divorced”. In that situation we would not only go our separate ways but also divide up our belongings. Most of these differences only pertain to that “if” moment.

Oh, I forgot about the fact that now Fredrik falls under the category of “family”. So if I were to wind up in the hospital for whatever reason, he would be able to pop into my room without the nurse refusing him.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy being married. I like wearing my rings and saying “my husband” when I speak of Fredrik. But is it as “life altering” and “earth shaking” as some movies/tv shows like to suggest in those moments before the wedding? I’m not so sure.

From my experience, love is not quantitative. I simply love Fredrik. I love him before we got married and I love him now that we’re married.

Does the relationship feel more solid? More secure? It was not something that I felt a marriage would do. We weren’t getting married because we were afraid that we’d lose the other person. Not to mention, nowadays divorces are EVERYWHERE. According to Divorce Magazine, in 2002 Sweden had 54.9 divorces as a % of marriages. If the relationship wasn’t “solid” and “secure” to begin with, then the marriage probably won’t be either.

I suppose getting married does somewhat alter my life but not enough to say a definite “yes” when someone asks if things are different now that we’re married.

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