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bits of writing

Friday. 11. 28. 2008.

I wrote this in class yesterday. It’s not edited or anything.

Sometimes it’s hard to even hold myself back. It’s tiring to keep the ideas in. To restrain myself from randomly blurting out. Good. Bad. Anything. My heart is pounding and I feel like I’m ready to jump out of my skin. I want to just let go. I want to just do what my body and mind feels like doing. Shake free the shackles of the ego. It almost causes me physical pain to be so restricting, to be so well behaved. Then there’s the embarrassment, the guilt of allowing myself to be so unrestrained. It shames me. I feel my face flush and just want to hide. I wish I could turn back time and undo the outbursts. I want to wipe it from everyone’s memory. Like it never happened and we all go on like I’ve never been anything but well behaved. Everyday there’s a struggle. A struggle between letting go and keeping myself on a short leash. Every so often I get to have my release. Feel no shame or embarrassment from what I say or do. But most days I am wrestling with myself.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. eBookGuru permalink
    Friday. 11. 28. 2008. 6.08 pm

    Very well written. I especially like your honesty.

    In response to your writing, it’s always important to remember that you only have one life to live. Do what makes you happy, what you believe to be right, and forget about what others may think. As long as you do what you find to be the right thing, you will work towards your own success.

  2. souvenir kattunge permalink*
    Saturday. 11. 29. 2008. 9.30 am

    Thanks for the compliment. But I had to delete your link because I don’t want you using my blog for advertising.

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