awesome possum

While I may occasionally gripe about my parents, I do believe that they’re pretty awesome people. Awesome begets awesome.  ;)

I’m at their place at the present moment and I must say that another awesome thing about my parents’ place is that there are always dumplings in the freezer. This, was breakfast.

first proper bake of 2013

I baked an apple pie in January and a lemon poppy seed cake in February but both of them did not turn out very well. The way those 2 things turned out actually made me quite upset.

But I am happy to say that the carrot muffins that I baked the other day was a success. YAY!

I was a bit concerned about the big pieces of carrot at first but they were fully cooked and the muffin was DELICIOUS. (Not only proclaimed by me but those who had it as well.) Someone said that the muffins were wrapped up like little presents.

I used Martha Stewart’s Spiced Carrot Muffin Recipe.

It’s been a while since I last grated carrots by hand so my arm was pretty sore the next day. I used to buy carrots when they went on sale, used the food processor to grate the carrots and freeze them in “carrot cake portions”.

I used 5×5″ pieces of parchment paper for the muffin “cups”. Advised by Kitchn (http://www.thekitchn.com/quick-tip-use-parchment-paper-95309) but didn’t bother to spray the pan. It wasn’t that big of a deal to pull a bit of parchment paper out of the muffin. The parchment paper didn’t stick to the muffin as a regular muffin liner usually does.

I made a key lime cream cheese icing to go with the muffin. I acquired a couple bottles of key lime juice, thanks to a friend’s parents. Once you use key lime juice, it’s just not the same to use regular limes.

In addition to my muffins turning out well, I got myself a new muffin tin. (Thanks to my friend Denise and her husband.)

Every muffin tin should come with a lid for storage and transport. EVERY muffin tin.

Oh hell… every baking pan should come with a lid for storage and transport. So many times have I faced the dilemma of how to put something away or take it with me ’cause I don’t have a container big enough.

My fancy new muffin tin!

 

 

 

 

30 before 30

I went out for dinner with my friend and her cousin the other day and I mentioned that I would be turning 30 on Monday. Her cousin asked if I had a 30 before 30 list. Then we talked about what might go on this list of 30 things to do before one turns 30. Would they be realistic? When would you start one?

Then I started thinking about the things that I have done before I turn 30. It’s not a bad list of things. It’s rather decent.

So here it is… things I have done before turning 30:

1. Fell in love
2. Experienced love in return from someone not family
3. Got engaged
4. Got married
5. Got divorced
6. Survived a serious heartbreak
7. Bought a house
8. Lived in another country
9. Learned another language
10. Lived in a different culture
11. Made long term plans for myself
12. Made long term plans with someone
13. Travelled to non-English speaking countries
14. Got a cat (2 in fact)
15. Saw my favourite bands (more than once)
16. Bought a car (sorta)
17. Had an amazing garden
18. Had my own home
19. Had my own family
20. Made some seriously awesome friends (real ones)
21. Made some “grown-up” decisions
22. Got to know some amazing people
23. Married a rockstar
24. Met a bunch of scientists
25. Got know my family better
26. Realised that some things are not that big of a deal (work in progress)
27. Entertained Martha Stewart style
28. Learned how to cook (pretty well)

I don’t have 30 things but it’s still a pretty decent list.

I didn’t think that turning 30 would be such a big deal (to me at least). Perhaps it’s the events that lead up to turning 30 that makes it so important ’cause I’m also in the beginnings of a new life.

I can say that I’m looking forward to life after 30. Perhaps even more so than when I was married and living in Sweden.

fuck this

Since that post about babies, I’ve thought heavily on the whole deciding between career and having children.

Last night I decided that I would try to have it all. Who the hell says that I can’t? Why am I doubting myself years in advance? Who says I won’t end up with someone who will stand by me while I run off to be a rock star (aka go to dental school and become DR. Chan)?

7 days…

The study of 2,000 people across the United States found women were considered to have reached their peak at 30, start to show signs of ageing at 41, stop looking “sexy” at 53, and are “old” at 55. (http://tinyurl.com/bmdytn4)

In a week I’m turning 30. My mom told me about this survey the other day. I can’t say if I feel more attractive than when I turned 20 but I will admit that I might be a touch more self confident. (Despite what has happened in the last year.) Perhaps it’s true when they say that self confident women tend to be more attractive. You know what? I’m just gonna run with that idea.

surely it’s not induced by the vagina

In thinking about babies and how I’m “supposed to” want them… I was wondering if guys ever get the “baby itch”.

I’ve been asking around. Some say yes. Others not so much. One person said that men will look at the logistics of having a baby. Another said that men are good at ignoring that feeling.

You would imagine that as a living organism, a male human being will at some point also feel the urge to pass on their genetic material. Perhaps they are better at ignoring it or hiding it.

I think this is something that requires more investigation.

there should be an ointment for that

I’ve been reading Caitlin Moran’s How to be a Woman and I’ve reached the part about babies. She’s got a chapter on why you should have a baby and why you should not have a baby. There’s even a chapter on getting an abortion.

In less than 2 weeks I’ll be turning 30 and I guess this is the period in my life where I’m supposed to feel the “baby itch”. Frankly I am in no position to be itching for caring for another human being. Not itching for a full grown one that is potty trained and self sufficient. Definitely not itching for one that demands all my time and effort and has to poop and pee in a diaper.

But that’s not to say that I don’t think about it.

Most of my friends in Sweden have children. Some people that went to high school with me have children. My family have certainly voiced their opinions on me reproducing.

I’ll admit that if I didn’t get divorced (There. I said it. I’m divorced.) I would still have those periodical moments of insanity where I would like to have a human being growing in my uterus. There’s been a few times where I’ve sent Fredrik SMS containing, “I want your baby! Just not now.”

I suppose I would consider reproducing if I was in conditions that I find fitting to reproduce. I was in love, feeling the love returned and in (relatively) stable economy. A person that had half my DNA would be plausible.

But now I wonder how much of this “baby itch” has to do with social pressures and traditional thought.

For example, here was my situation.

After I informed my mother about our intentions to get married, she started to let her imagination run wild.

Actually… when I first moved to Sweden, my grandmother would suggest to my mother than I have a baby. My grandmother’s plan is that I have this baby, send it to her to be cared for while I finished my education. My youngest cousin was getting to the age where she didn’t crave my grandmother’s attention, so my grandmother was feeling a bit redundant.

Anyways. Back to my mother’s plans.

She used to tell me:

“You’ll finish your university education. Get a real job. Start having babies.”

I would wonder where my trip to Vietnam/Australia/South Africa/Southern US/etc. would fit into this plan.

Since the divorce, she’s reconsidered this plan.

Now I’m not the most obedient daughter but that’s not to say that there are certain things in my life that I do and have done that might have been as per instructed by my parents/family/people of authority. Things like being a good person, doing my best, setting goals and what not. Basically being subjected to certain expectations that are perhaps not my own. But that’s not to say that I would rather be an asshole and half ass everything.

I think that having children is one of those expectations that I get subjected to.  I’m “supposed to” want to pass on my genetic material.

These days, women are “supposed to” have it all, as Liz Lemon from 30 Rock would say. I’m “supposed to” have a career. I’m “supposed to” be successful in this career. I’m “supposed to” land and marry that guy with success and great hair. I’m “supposed to” bare his children and pass on the list of things they’re “supposed to” do. I’m also “supposed to” continue to be successful in my career but not more successful than my husband (Don’t even try to tell me that this mentality is not true.).

I’m supposed to have a case of the supposed to.

I’m down with having a career. I’m down with being successful. I’m even down with the guy with success and great hair. I’m a bit iffy about the children thing. Although I’m not going smash it with an iron fist ’cause in previous experience, if the conditions are right, I may want to mix my DNA up with his.

Then I was thinking the other day…

Right now I have been accepted to 4 colleges for their dental hygiene program. It’s a nice boost to my ego. Especially after how miserable I was feeling about my education in Sweden. Should the 3 years in college go well and I continue to ride the high of success, I do believe that I would like to continue my education and become a dentist. I would be DR. Chan. But that also means an additional 5-6 years of schooling on top of my 3 years of college. I’ll be 40 when I am DR. Chan.

Where am I supposed to find the time to mix my DNA with someone else’s?

EVERYONE knows that there are complications to having children after your mid-30′s. Not to mention the fact that I’ll be retiring when my child is only in their 20′s.

My grandmother said to me the other day, “The best time to have children is between 25 and 30.” Am I supposed to point at the next guy I see on the street and say, “You! Get those pants off! We’re making a baby!”? That’s slightly more plausible when if the present moment was 2011 when things were going terrifically well for Fredrik and I. Now… not so much. I can’t even imagine co-owning a cat with someone.

So what does that mean?

It means that I’m would need to choose between DR. Chan and reproducing.

I suppose I could get lucky, fall in love and receive love from someone who is willing to assume a lot of parenting duties while I work my ass off in dental school. But as far as doing it solo, it’s one or the other. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I’m not placing any bets.

I once said that I would not like to be childless because of certain reasons. Like I would not want to be childless because I chose to be in case I regret it. I would not want to be childless because of a preventable illness, like I got an STI that messed up my insides when I should have just used a condom.

Now I’m dreading the possibility of being in that position to decide.